Embracing Discomfort: On Community and Care

Coming from a culture that so deeply sows its roots in interdependence, nurturing and companionship, moving to Canada broke my heart time and time again when it would prove to be cultivating a society that lives wholly for itself. So, when the word “community” started to pop up in different spaces in my life, it reaffirmed my hope in building a future which allowed us to live and thrive as a collective.  

I’m not entirely sure when the shift took place – the one that turned ‘community’ from an end goal into a buzzword. At some point, we started to get confused trying to mediate between what it means to care for ourselves and cultivating the future we claim we want to see. People started to chant “community!” but quickly stepped back when the community in question would ask them to share some weight with them. Over time, it became upsettingly clear to me that a lot of us want to bask in the rewards of collective care but do not want to risk the discomfort requires to get them. This is, ultimately, an impossible ask.  

Though I do not think the world took this turn with ill intent, it quickly saturated the sanctity of community and distanced itself from the tenderness and vulnerability that true interconnection requires. We say community is at the core of everything but struggle to place ourselves as intentionally part of the collective, refusing to embrace and accept the humility it asks of us.  

I recently told a friend: the true testament of my love for my community comes when I am anxious, uncomfortable, on edge and still choose to show up. There is something much bigger at play when we make those hard decisions – something that will tend to us if we choose to tend to it.  

The people and spaces that truly want to nurture your connection will ask the hard questions, answer yours with honesty and transparency, and navigate through the weight of humanity with a nod to acknowledge that it will be a difficult task. Those who will help you grow will want to grow with you. Those who truly believe in the power of connection will say, “I see you. I see you need me. I’m uncomfortable but I am not harmed, and I am willing to move through the discomfort so that we can both come out stronger and better for each other.”  

I challenge you today to show up even when you don’t want to, even when it’s hard. The best learning happens in spaces of discomfort. The best growth does, too. Look to your neighbours and hold them as they hold you.